Well. I’ve been gone from this place for a while. In fact, I’ve been gone from a few places for a while.
The devil has been working over time in my life. Being engaged is probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through. I don’t think that’s a normal thing for people to say. I am so glad I’m no longer a fiance! There were good times in that, times that I won’t forget and will always treasure. But there were also a lot of hard times. A lot of confusing, anxious and doubting times.
I can’t tell you how many times the devil whispered in my ear during Ben and my engagement. “This is wrong.” “You don’t REALLY love him.” “You don’t REALLY want to marry him.” “God is disappointed in you.” “God doesn’t love you like he used to.” “God has deserted you because you are disobeying him.”
Well you know what, satan? Screw you. I married my best friend. I married the man God intended for me to be with. You didn’t win. You have never won in my life, and you never will. I may be weak. You may bring me to tears. You may torment my mind. You may convince me for a time that I am unlovable. But guess what? You will -ALWAYS- lose.
God loves me too much to let you win. And I know that with the deepest part of my being. Sometimes it doesn’t feel that way, but my existence is based on that truth. Everything I am is because of God’s love and grace.
Oh, Father. You know the cries within me that I don’t even know exist. I find comfort in the fact that You know the deepest parts of me and love me all the more.